It was a cool noon at the Watchtower – the perfect setting for a vibrant conversation on truly ‘living’. The session started with a poser from Sanjana – Why should we live long?

Sujata spoke about resilience, being engaged with life. She added that taking care of the brain is important – if you don’t use it, you lose it. This is the source of vitality to life.

Taking ahead the topic of engagement, Sanjana asked about how Shoba keeps the spark alive. Shoba explained that she uses curiosity as an antidote to despair. She stressed on the need to engage with the natural world, not the digital world. “Doomscrolling perpetrates anxiety”, she said, and referred to brain rot which happens as a consequence. She highlighted the need for digital hygiene.

Shoba described herself as a “Vaata type” of person, who wants to take shortcuts. She expressed feeling a little thrilled as well as a little sheepish about her books. “There are two types of people”, she said, and categorised people into the perfect people or “the disciplined runners and the not-so-perfect or “flail people who soon lose interest”. Her book is for the not-so-perfect readers, she reflected.

Sanjana wondered whether perfect people really exist. Sujata was positive about it and remarked that habits make someone perfect. She dwelt into the science of habit formation, explaining that it takes 6 weeks to form a habit; it is boring and requires us to buckle down. Once you start being consistent, you see the benefits.

The conversation moved on to how the world is ‘always-on’. Sanjana admitted feeling guilty about taking a moment off in a world that is 24×7. Sujata responded by highlighting the importance of compassion for oneself. She added that digital sunset everyday is very important.

Sujata went on to say that her book is about micro habits, using movements as an example – “if we are sitting in a place we cannot move, what can we do to improve movement?”. She explained being inspired by Kathak dance and spoke about ‘kalai movements’.

She gave another example of a micro habit:

Use the pinky finger of your non-dominant hand while you work on your smart phone, holding the phone in your dominant hand.

Sanjana feared making typos and said it could potentially threaten her job!

Shoba added some examples of ‘small nudges to get out of our comfort zone in a safe space’. She spoke at length about: Close your eyes when you walk down the stairs, holding the railings. This drew a few ‘Ah’s’ and ‘Oh’s’, prompting Sanjana to comment that it sounds life threatening!

Sanjana referred to the micro habit that Sujata suggested, and spoke about the ‘sense of auspiciousness’ associated with using the right hand in India. Shoba acknowledged and spoke about importance given to the right path in the Sri Vidya cult in Hinduism, which worships the Divine Mother.

Continuing the theme of self-compassion in a 24×7 world, the conversation shifted to sleep. Sujata asserted that she guards her sleep like a sacred covenant. Being a parent to teenagers, she observed that teens are often sleep deprived. The secret sauce to dealing with it is a ‘listen first, fix later’ approach – not just with our teens and spouse, but with ourselves.

“How do you guard sleep?”, quizzed Sanjana.

Sujata reiterated about habits and the sleep pattern she follows on most nights. She had been through a difficult situation the previous week when both her parents were hospitalized – a time for her to be compassionate to self. Once the situation had passed, she took the day off, watched Netflix, savoured cupcakes from Magnolia bakery, had two cups of coffee and indulged in an afternoon nap.

Taking on the topic of teenagers, Sanjana asked for tips on how to give advice without being overbearing. Shoba let out a secret, that she combs her hair when her kids talk to her, to divert her focus so that she does not give out answers immediately. She vouched for the need to hold our tongue when our kids speak, and only be a listener.

Sujata referred to her book, Resilience Decoded, emphasizing the need to move from Correction to Connection, to act as Consultants rather than CEOs in their lives.

“Parenting is really hard and the only job we are not trained for”, added Sanjana.

The conversation shifted into parenting challenges – keeping kids engaged during the pandemic, referring to the movie ‘Adolescence’ and how teenagers approach gender. Sujata stressed on the importance of keeping the lines of communication open, and observed that Gen Z is paradoxically more conservative.

Shoba responded to Sanjana’s query about generation gaps at home, saying that it is not so easy (her mother and mother-in-law stay in the same building) and there is no shortcut answer.

There are physical, mental and spiritual components, and Shoba spoke of spiritual practices being rooted in the physical. She suggested finding something that gave us joy as a child. Dance is her way of connecting with her daughter, her ‘panacea’. Singing is the panacea for Sujata, she said, it strengthens her mind-body connection. Shoba suggested walking to the bazaar, talking to strangers.

Questions from the audience

After such an enlightening conversation, there was a little time for questions from the audience. The audience asked questions on how parents can help children balance time between creative pursuits and academics. Sujata said that boundaries are practically essential, however also stressed on the value of raising a child that has a rounded personality. Another attendee from the audience wondered whether it is okay to just do nothing. Sujata responded by steering the topic towards digital detox and spoke about the need to unplug.

By the end of this session, we felt the need to balance, enjoy and ‘live’ a comfortable life, enriched with a lot of suggestions and experienced nudges shared by Sujata and Shoba.

Usha Ramaswamy

Usha is an IT professional who loves to read, vlog (Usha’s LENS) and travel. She is an amateur mobile photographer who shares her snaps on Instagram. Her philosophy is to make the most of life and relish every moment.